thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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