college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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