Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
