remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
