So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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