Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
