they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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