People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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