i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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