I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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