You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
