Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
