i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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