6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
