Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
