Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
