"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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