You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
