I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
