I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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