im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
