this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
