Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
