cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
