I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
