I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
