Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
