I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
