I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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