Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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