i don't like sucking hair
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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