He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
