i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
