You really coming over, don't trick.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
