White coat. Heels.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
