She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
