this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
