you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
