Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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