I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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