she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
