Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
