Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
