he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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