yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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