Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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