When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
