we're chasing vodka with high fives
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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