the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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