omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
