Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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