Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
