we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
