i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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