In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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