I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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