i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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