I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
